Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Searsly Spuhghetti

By Eddie Spuhghetti

Most of y'all would say I'm a Horror Nerd; I plead guilty as charged.  From the kindergarten beginnings with Universal Monsters and eventually coming to terms with my fear of anything gory, the Horror genre has been a standard in my life by infusing itself within the pop culture surrounding me.  Every kid knew who the current big-screen boogeymen were, even if they hadn't seen a single frame of film: it was common knowledge on the playground that Jason stalked campgrounds in search of pervy teenagers and Michael only came out on Halloween.  The one that always interested me was the monster named Freddy who resembled a burnt Indiana Jones in a rugby sweater with a weird knife-glove.  Trips to Woolco with my mother always included a stop at the VHS racks and every time I'd wonder what horrors lurked within a certain tape with Freddy's mug on the box.  Since 1991, that box art had such a profound impact on me that I got the dang thing tattooed on my arm (that's another story all-together) but it wouldn't be until the early 2000s that I'd finally get to watch A Nightmare On Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge.  I wasn't horrified nor was I scared but I do wish someone woulda prepared me for what hid amidst the gore, screams and bad dreams: a "cleaning up the room" montage/dance sequence.

Freddy's Revenge serves as a semi-sequel to the original as it technically takes place after the events of the first film and makes reference to them but does not contain any old faces other than Freddy himself.  It's unique because we don't see many bizarre dream sequences or Freddy's torment spanning over several teens; he instead focuses on one teenaged-boy named Jesse to perform his killings in the real world.  Newly moved into the protagonist's home from the first film, Jesse and his family are having a tough time with their humble abode: the place feels like an oven and Jesse is hardly getting any rest.  His father doesn't have a clu (get it?) what's up with the furnace and assumes Jesse's issues are due to drugs.  To make matters worse, he's pretty adamant on getting Jesse to go clean his dang room up and things come to a boil when the kid is about to head off for a swim with his friend and mega-crush Lisa.  Frustrated, Jesse tackles cleaning his room in the best way possible: putting on Touch Me (All Night Long) by Wish feat. Fonda Rae and proceeding to dance his ass off.

I'm not sure where Jesse picked up these moves but I don't think it was from MTV; try some quality programming off HBO's Cinemax or perhaps he was getting a feed of CityTV's Baby Blue 2 outa Toronto.  There's so many pelvis motions here that even Elvis would toss his hands up and say to bring 'er down a notch.  The tune is very catchy though and I don't blame Jesse for getting so into it: cleaning your room is lame and only upbeat music will really make the experience enjoyable.  Jesse's methods of cleaning and organizing includes tossing everything into one drawer and closing it with his ass because his hands are busy.  Singing into a stick/club/whatever-the-hell-it-is can be fun and this contraption has a ball hidden in one end that pops out with one swift pump; I'm not gonna go all Sex-Ed Teacher here to explain what that symbolizes.  I can guarantee you though that if he weren't interrupted, Jesse would have kept the dance moves going all night long and how appropriate: he'd never get to sleep!

Looking for some more tunes to keep you awake from encountering dream demons?  Silent Gloves will keep you dancing like Jesse!

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